The Bright Side
by FreedomxSparks
Summary: Inspired by Mademise Morte's calenders, I  try my very best-est  to add a cheery lil mini-fic everyday. Warning: May contain Crack couples and bizare goings on. Rated T
1. HAWT Waiter!

"Skulduggery?"

"Yes, Valkyrie?"

"You know the way you love me?"

"Yes, I vaguely remember, why?"

"Well, the Chinese new year parade me and Tanith went to has ended."

"Hmmm?"

"And we just missed our bus."

"Ah."

"And the next one isn't going to come for, like, an hour."

"I see."

"Can you pick us up?"

"You _do_ realise that it would be easier to just wait for the bus, don't you?"

"Yes but, we're calling from a really nice restaurant with really nice central heating...and a _really _fit waiter has just offered us free drinks."

"I suppose I haven't got a choice then."

"No, you haven't."

* * *

TRUE STORY! That is exactly what I got up to last night xD And I would of QUITE happily of stayed a the Cafe Rouge with the incredibly hot waiter who gave me and my friend tea.


	2. Catbus!

Fletcher studied Clarabelle's new bag with a mix of fear and curiousity, shuddering every-so-often at it's large, menacing grin.

"What is it supposed to be?"

"It's Catbus."

"What?"

"Catbus. Catbus is Catbus and will allways be Catbus, he is neither an ordinary bus, nor an ordinary cat. For he is Catbus."

"Oh"

* * *

My neighbor Totoro, a VERY good movie, which has a character called Catbus, a VERY good mode of public transportation. Unfortunatly, people will question your sanity if you wander about school with a Catbus handbag xD


	3. A Genetic Disorder

Slow, hypnotic notes were floating through Gordon's sitting room, alerting him that his number one niece was playing the piano again. It would of made him nod off into a peaceful sleep, but two things were keeping him awake. One: He was incapable of sleep and two: Stephenie's fingers slipped, caught another key and forced her to start playing again.

"Uncle Gordon, why can't I get this song right?" She asked him, her voice filled to the brim with frustration.

"Ah, my dear Stephenie, you have a genetic disorder it is what the French call, Le Fat Fingers."

* * *

Le Fat Fingers, a recognised medical condition in France.


	4. A Party

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

"Guys, it isn't even my birthday for two days..."

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

"And the corridors of the Sanctuary isn't really a very appropriate place for a party..."

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR GHASTLY!"

"And if you burn the building down with those candles..."

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

"I don't think I should-"

"Just blow the candles out, bitch."

* * *

I had a mini early birthday party on one of the corridors at school xD I had a mini chocolate cake with a candle and I got a pair of Totoro mittens and EVERYTHING!


	5. A Bad Mental Image

"Hey Caelan!"

"What?"

"We're continuing Ghastly's birthday celebrations by having a free for all in the Temple!"

"REALLY?"

"Yup, though if Sanguine comes along, we'll probably just all turn on him."

"That is not a mental image I want..."

* * *

YES. THIS CONVERSATION HAPPENED.

Though we didn't actually have a free for all on the English corridor like promised. And Shannon was not raped by us all...like promised.


	6. Shut Up

"So anyway, after we'd all stayed up till, like, 3 in the morning me and Jem had pizza for breakfast. I know right? PIZZA for BREAKFAST!" Hannah Foley was gushing about her latest 'wild' weekend. It was pissing Valkyrie's reflection off. God, developing emotions was such a bother sometimes.

"Yeah so we started to throw pillows at Mazz-"

Nobody was listening to her, why was she still talking?

"And then she was like 'God, you guys are-"

This puzzled the reflection deeply.

"And then Bree-"

"Hannah." The reflection finally looked up from her book and stared at Hannah. "Nobody likes you, shut up."

* * *

We all know a girl who needs someone to say this to her xD


	7. Camera

'CLICK!'

"Tanith, stop that."

'CLICK!'

"I swear to all that is holy, you do that again and I will take that damn camera and feed it to you backwards."

...

'CLICK!'

* * *

I love my new camera, my friends don't :3


	8. Words

"What's this?" Skulduggery studied the sheet of paper, which was covered in ink stains and scribbles.

"Oh, they're all the long words Guild uses when he yells at me, I've started to ask him the definitions and jott them down." Valkyrie said cheerfully, looking over his shoulder at her list.

"Why?"

"To piss him off."


	9. Excited Mouse

"Hey Fletch, did you get that...thing?" Valkyrie pressed her ear eagerly to the phone.

"What thing?"

_"Skulduggery's in the room and he won't be happy about what you've done, think up of a code name!" _She whispered, earning herself a curious look from Skulduggery.

"Excited mouse."

"What?"

"Excited mouse."

"Oh...ok. Did you get that _EXCITED MOUSE?_"

"Yup, I look like Mr T"

* * *

Mwah ha ha ha ha, I shall leave you in curiosity. My brother thinks up of the best code names...


	10. Canada

Valkyrie was sat with Tanith, venting her frustration at a certain spiky haired boy.

"And he's so arrgogant, I never-"

"Who are you talking about?" Fletcher had come into the room and proceeded to pull up a chair next to them. "Are you talking about me?"

"No, I'm talking about someone else..."

"Who?"

"You don't know 'em...He lives in Canada."

* * *

Anyone willing to help me out? BUILD A PROFILE FOR THIS IMAGINARY PERSON WHO LIVES IN CANADA! I'm terrible at lying!


	11. Cupcakes!

"Skulduggery?"

"Yes?"

"It's not that I don't appreciate you showing me the magical world of mages and what not..."

"But?"

"But I really can't eat this. It has a face, _a face!_"

"Valkyrie, this is an important tradition."

"But we're just sitting on the floor eating cupcakes!"

"Mutant cupcakes, thanks to Skylar Song and Freedom Sparks. They're very skilled at making these."

* * *

I neglected the mutant cupcakes, I am so very sorry Skylar


	12. Name Hat

"It's not fair..."

"What's not fair?"

"Valkyrie's sister made a hat, she put her name on it and everything!"

"Your point?"

"I WANT A NAME HAT, GHASTLY!"

"Skul, your over 400 years old. Grow the fuck up."

* * *

I WANT A NAME HAT!


	13. Emoticons

"Hey, Skulduggery!"

"¬_¬"

"W-what?"

"I said '¬_¬' "

"O-oh...How exactly _did _you say that?"

"I am tired, go away. :C "

"How can you prononce those?"

"...Noob -_-"

* * *

I just HAD to XD


	14. Ladders

"Why aren't you writing anything?"

"I'm distracted."

"That essay was due a week ago, finish it!"

"DISTRACTED."

"WHAT BY?"

"LADDER. GO AWAY!"

* * *

Ladders, they are very distracting. Seriously, if you need to write about Lady Macbeth's role in the play Macbeth then ladders just go 'BAM! LOOK AT ME!' :3


	15. Reading

Skulduggery Pleasant was sat in his study, head in a book and legs crossed. The book he was reading? It was _Skulduggery Pleasant_.

Valkyrie felt that pointing this out would be helpful. "Your reading...About _yourself?"_

"Why yes, I am."

"And how is it?"

"Fucking creepy."

* * *

It is.


	16. Books

"M-Miss Sorrows?"

"Yes?"

"May I ask what you are doing in Master Bliss' library?"

"To get books of course."

"But your parents have given you _both _library's."

"Yes, but _my _library is full of _my_ books. While my dear brother's his full of _his_ books."

"Ah."

"And taking my own books out of my own library would not be as satisfying as taking my brother's."

"I see, Miss Sorrows."

"Now hurry along, your questioning is boring me."

* * *

This is how a picture China when she was younger xD And yes, her parents were rich enough to have two library's and a butler.


	17. Lifts

"Lifts are evil."

"Your scared of lifts?"

"Yup."

"Yet you battle monsters on a daily basis."

"Uh-huh."

"But you hate lifts."

"Yeah, that sums it up."

* * *

Lifts, my ultimate fear.

Also tomorrow's snippet may not be poster tomorrow, I may be away for the whole day :3


	18. Lifts 2

"I regret telling Tanith about my fear of lifts..."

"Why?"

"Last time we went in one, she started jumping up and down screaming 'WE'RE GONNA DIE!'"

"Oh."


	19. Groupon

"What's Groupon?"

"Haven't a clue."

"It's mentioned a lot by Fan Fiction..."

"Maybe it's a terroist group! Maybe they're trying to recruit members!"

"Maybe!"

* * *

Sorry for missing a day DX


	20. Jackets

Valkyrie stopped outside a shop, her eyes as big as dinner plates.

_CHAOS CLOTHING_

She lunged forward and dragged Skulduggery by the collar through the brightly painted door. Skulduggery was suddenly surrounded by the colour black and numerous illustrations of skulls, his partner lost in one of the several racks of heavy jackets. She eventually appeared, with a scary coat and an even scarier shop assistant.

"Can't we get you a nice cardigan?" He asked sarcasticaly, studying the trench coat she now had in her hand.

"Well," The assistant began. "We have loads of different varieties of coats and jackets and-"

...

"-Thanks again for buying me that jacket, Skulduggery!"

"It was my pleasure..."


	21. Fletchyrie

"Now, Miss Sparks, Miss Song, I hear you've been sending death threats."

"Aye!"

"This is a very serious matter."

"We're very serious people Mr-Oh my god! Look a squirrel!"

"I think what my easily distracted friend is trying to say is that we are very serious people. And besides, they had it coming."

"What possible reason would you have-"

"They were Fletchyrie fans, Sir."

* * *

Starring my OC Freedom Sparks and 's OC Skylar Song

:3


	22. Description

"-And so she's like 'On yer bike luv! Go on! Go get fucked!'"

"I see."

"So everybody else is like 'No! We all love her!'"

"Uh-huh."

"And then her best friend chases after her and just goes 'But I love you!'"

"Really?"

"You should really read that book, it's good!"

"I have, I just think that your description of it is epic."

* * *

My dear Shannon just create an audio book, she's amazing at telling stories xD


	23. Calmerdownerer

"You are the only one who is capable of slowing the flowing hate that runs through the skeleton detectives bones."

"Uh...Ok."

"You are the chosen one."

"F-fine..."

"_You_ are the...Calmer-down-er-er."

* * *

This WAS going to be anti Fletcyrie but then I thought 'HEY! One of my readers is a Fletchyrie fan! I'll be nice for a change.' This is for you **Jade Midnight **:3


	24. Hogwarts

"Valkyrie, I thought you'd like to know that your reflection is telling everyone it's going to a boarding school."

"...Is it?"

"Of course not, it's just saying that."

"How do you know?"

"Because apparently it's going to Hogwarts."

"Whoa! So my reflection is going to Hogwarts and I'm not?"

"Oh dear god..."

* * *

YES. I AM MOVING TO HOGWARTS. WITH SKYLAR SONG.


	25. Teapot

Melissa Edgley observed as her husband and her daughter played on the dinning room table. Little Stephenie was squealing with delight as Desmond started to scream in high pitched tones.

"I really wish you didn't play that game with her." She sighed, giving Desmond a tired look.

"Why? I am playing with a daughter, I'm not going to be able to do this when she skips off to uni, or when she arrives home with a boyfriend or if she gets married or-"

"I'm fine with you playing with her, Desmond, but reenacting the Titanic sinking using a teapot is strange. And it spills tea all over the table."

"Oh..."

* * *

Yes, I did this today with a small child.

Well...a twelve year old...


	26. Drunk

"Who's that?" Valkyrie nodded over to the woman that was chatting to Skulduggery.

"Moria Lay." Tanith answered, "Elemental. Born in Scotland. Husband. Fit brother."

"Excuse me?"

"We got drunk together once."

"Oh..."

"_REALLY_ fit, Val."

* * *

...Yes. Apparently he was fit.


	27. Nye

The Nye had an asistant once. She had a pretty face and eyes that he would get lost in. But that was a long time ago.

One day, he promises himself, one day he shall get her back. One day he shall find his Clarabelle again.

* * *

SQUEE.


	28. A Few Weeks

Springheeled Jack was a fan of pretty faces and China Sorrows had the prettiest face he'd ever seen.

China Sorrows was a fan of danger and Springheeled Jack was as dangerous as they got.

A few weeks, that was all they had. A few weeks until China had to go back to Ireland. It was a few weeks that neither of them would ever forget.

* * *

Ask and you shall receive, this is for you Dusky Malice!


	29. Guy Friends

"You two are mean."

"It's not our fault, if he wasn't such a horny teenager than we wouldn't tease him."

"Turning Fletcher on and then leaving him is not a fun way to spend an afternoon."

"Your right, it's hilarious!"

* * *

I love having guy friends!


	30. Yuri

"I recommend you read this, Valkyrie."

"Oh, thanks, China. _'Soft-Boiled Fujoshi' _A cooking book?"

"No, manga."

"Oh I see, it looks pretty-OH DEAR GOD SHE HAS NO SHIRT ON!"

"That's fujoshi for you."

* * *

Top tip: Read yuri when parents are not in the room ^-^


	31. River

"China Sorrows, you shall wear this dress right now!"

"But it's yellow!"

"Exactly!"

"For the last time, I DID NOT NAME MYSELF AFTER THE YELLOW RIVER IN CHINA!"

"Oh, suuuuuure..."

* * *

The Yellow River in China, also known as China's Sorrow...


	32. Song

"Stephenie! I'm sick of you being late home!"

"I'm sorry..."

"I don't care!"

"...I have a good excuse!"

"I don't want to hear your excuse!"

"But it's in song form!"

* * *

Sadly, singing about why you was late does not work :C


	33. Names

"Valkyrie, why do you have to name al of my cars?"

"How would you feel if I regarded you as 'That Skeleton'?"

"It would hurt my feelings..."

"Exactly."

* * *

Let's have a moment of empathy for the poor people that have experienced that awful earth-quake, you guys have my sympathy.


	34. Skiing

"How was the skiing?"

"There was this hot guy with a mullet and-"

"How was the actual skiing?"

"Oh. It was ok. Back to mullet man, so he-"

"You went there to ski."

"No, I went there to check out the snowboarders, the actual skiing was just a bonus."

* * *

Mullet man, the definition of hot! 3


	35. Life is evil

"Life is unfair."

"Life is a dick."

"God hates us."

"Ooooh, me too! My life is terrible!"

"Fletcher you are not apart of the life loathing club, piss off!"

* * *

Dx Life is evil! My computer has several viruses right now, so I may not update for a while.


	36. Guy Friends 2

"Seriously guys, stop it!"

"But Fletcher, we're bored!"

"I don't care! If you two don't stop turning me on then I can't be held responsible for my actions!"

"...Are you saying that you might acidentily rape us?"

"Yes, yes I am!"

* * *

This is a follow on from a previous chapter...Which I have forgotten the name to. I'll check later!


	37. Child Birth

"Ha. Your a woman."

"Ha. Your a man!"

"You get your chest stared at."

"You get into more fights."

"You get all emotional at that time of the month."

"You are plunged into imense pain if your kicked in between your legs."

"You have to go through child birth."

"Not if I'm a lesbian!"

"Damn..."

* * *

...This is the sort of thing that goes on when my brother comes back from university.


	38. Beard

"Valkyrie, if you need to ask for a book then ask for one!"

"But China's assistant scares me!"

"Why?"

"He has a neatly trimmed beard!"

"Oooh, _scary!_"

* * *

HE WAS VERY SCARY!


	39. Sleep

"Tanith, being able to fall asleep in any enviroment does not count as an achievement."

"But-"

"No."

"I w-"

____

"_NO."_

__

* * *

Sorry about the crappy-ness of this one, I feel icky DX


	40. Mushrooms

Clarabelle grabbed Fletcher's hands unexpectedly, her eyes determined not to break contact with his.

"Clara, what's wrong?"

"I hate mushrooms."

"Ok.."

"I mean _really_ hate them. But I love cooking with them because they feel so soft and delicate."

"Is this going anywhere?"

"You are my mushroom, Fletcher Renn. I may hate your attitude and your silly hair but I love the inside you."

"The inside me?"

"Yup, now shut up and kiss me you silly mushroom!"

* * *

I hate mushrooms! xD

Oh and Skylar Song has given me my one hundreth review! VERY HAPPY! A HUNDRED! XD


	41. Rawr!

"Rawr!"

"Your not a dinosaur, Valkyrie."

"RAWR!"

God, I thought we'd gotten rid of the special needs crap when Fletcher moved back to London."

"RAWR!"

* * *

Apparently I'm as bad as my brother when it comes to hyperactivity, which is impressive since he's got ADHD :D


	42. Rupert

Valkyrie Cain was known around the world, she and her husband were an unbreakable duo that could solve a crime with a couple of glares and a few well placed words. She was slick, smooth, stylish and skilled.

Rupert Edgly wasn't.

Rupert was in his twenties when he was taken hostage by Billy-Ray Sanguine. Valkyrie was _not_ impressed. Skulduggery would of defended his brother in law if he wasn't so terrified of his wife at the time.

* * *

Valkyrie's little brother :3 I love the whole protective older sister thing right now so Rupert will be making a come back!


	43. Cloaks

"Don't come any closer! I have a cloak!"

"That's not a cloak, Stephenie, that's the mouse quilt you've had since you were a baby!"

"It's a mouse cloak! Step away, damnit!"

* * *

Mouse cloaks are epic.


	44. Darlek

"You know your family is weird when you walk in on your father talking to a Darlek."

"Nonsense, Stephenie! I am perfectly normal!"

"A normal man does not start singing the Spiderman theme tune while driving."

* * *

Darlek-An alien on the tv series Doctor Who, a terribly scary robot thingy that my father enjoys conversing with.

I'm so sorry for not updating Fanfiction was playing up and then I had to go away for a bit. I won't be able to update the summary so listen up! It's MADEMISE Morte. I spelt it wrong because I'm an epic fail DX Oh, and you can thank Mademise for the new updates! THANKS FOR THE HELP!


	45. Rupert 2

Rupert stood with his arms held limply by his sides, his ridiculously long scarf was flying in the breeze. His trademark sheepish smile was impossible to notice, so was his sister's murderous scowl.

"Oh, it's ok, Steph." He finally said, "I've just gotten kidnapped by a crazy Texan but don't bother smothering me with that sisterly love your so fond of, we're not in a Disney movie or anything."

Valkyrie's only response to her brother's sarcastic greeting was a sharp growl, before grabbing him lovingly by the collar and shoving him into her husband's car.

* * *

In my mind, Rupert always has a stripy scarf :)


	46. Drawing

"Valkyrie-"

"Can't talk, dear. Drawing."

"But we have a-"

"Drawing."

"Case to-"

_"Drawing."_

"...Solve."

* * *

Poor Skulduggery is being bullied by Valkyrie, it's sort of Valduggery. Sweet Jesus I need to write more Valduggery!


	47. Quiet

"Wreath, you should open up more."

"..."

"Sometimes you leave the room without having said anything at all!"

"..."

"We need to start talking! I've known you for almost a year!"

"...Screw you. I'm quiet."

* * *

I have several teachers that are now worried about my lack of speech in the classroom. Said teachers can fuck off.


	48. Harpsichord

China Sorrows had better things to do than write out lines. Lines were for small girls who have broken petty rules, she was _thirteen_ and she had hardly done anything wrong.

Tutors are idiots.

_I shall not squeak when I see a harpsichord._

_I shall not squeak when I see a harpsichord._

_I shall not squeak when I see a harpsichord._

_I shall not squeak when I see a harpsichord._

_I shall not squeak when I see a harpsichord._

_I shall not squeak when I see a harpsichord._

_I shall not squeak when I see a harpsichord._

_I shall not squeak when I see a harpsichord._

_

* * *

_

Because I can imagine mini China obsessing over musical instruments!


	49. Languages

"Apparently learning Japanese isn't that hard."

"And who told you this, Valkyrie?"

"Oh, a friend. She also learns French and Mandarin and Latin-"

"You _do_ realise that this friend is probably a super-duper language learner?"

"I hadn't thought of that..."

* * *

I got told that Mademise Morte is so smart because she's Asian...What the fuck?


	50. Now!

"Tanith!" Skulduggery called her over, his voice sounded tired.

"Hmm?"

"Will you _please_ tell Valkyrie here that she can't get a tattoo?"

Tanith looked from Skulduggery to Valkyrie, Valkyrie to Skulduggery and then back again.

"Do it, Val. Do it _now_."

* * *

Ah Tanith, you responsible adult, you!


	51. Goblet

Valkyrie sat across the table, watching her husband as he emptied his pockets.

A pocket watch, a carrier bag, a badge, several pens and a small brass goblet.

"Skulduggery?"

"Yes dear?"

"How the hell can you fit all of that into one pocket?"

"No idea."

* * *

That is _exactly_ what I saw coming out of the pocket of my brother's corduroy jacket!


	52. Authors Note

Ok, I'm very sorry for this guys but someone needs a good talking to and this is the only way I can contact them.

Yes, I read your 'review' and I'm still going to write Valduggery because _I_ like it. There's only a few things that get me angry in this world and you, my friend, are on that list. And who cares about that age gap between Skulduggery and Valkyrie? Personally, I always set the stories after the books, so Valkyrie is at least 20. But I don't need to make excuses for you, your just a flamer who was too scared to sign their review.

So don't bother to review again, because I'll ignore you. Your just _that_ important to me.

:D


	53. French

"Fletcher don't stare at that poor girl's behind."

"Why not? I don't even think she can speak English, so it's ok!"

"Hey Val! Fletch! What's going on he-Oh my lord! Look at her rear!"

"I know right? Quick, what's French for 'I like your bum'?"

* * *

Paris=Pretty place, pretty girls!


	54. Sick

Valkyrie sat in her boyfriend's bedroom, trying not to turn him around, slam the heel of her palm up his nose and kill him.

He was listening to rap music.

The same rap song...Over and over again.

"Fletcher, if I hear that drum beat again I will vomit over your trainers."

* * *

If it isn't Emilie Autumn rapping 'How Strange' or Regina Spektor reciting 'The Consequence Of Sound' then I am not interested...


	55. Love

"You _know_ I love you more than anything!"

"You love him more, Billy-Ray!"

"That's not true, Caelan. Dusk could never replace you!"

* * *

Hee hee.


	56. Windows

"China?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Did you know that your library has been used as a Windows wallpaper?"

* * *

IT HAS.


	57. Crumbs

Ghastly walked into the kitchen, curious about the banging noise he was hearing. His partner, it turned out, was smacking her laptop on the kitchen table.

"Crumbs over the keyboard again, Tanith?"

_BANG! _

"Hmm."

_BANG!_

"You shouldn't eat your breakfast while watching Youtube, should you?"

_BANG!_

* * *

Do not eat toast while watching a Blink 182 video on Youtube.


	58. Cyber

"Dusk, Fletcher is cyber-stalking me."

"Maybe you should call the cyber police."

"Or even cyber CID."

"Yes, they could use their cyber detectives to track him down.

"And cyber arrest him."

"And put him into cyber jail."

"No, you went too far."

* * *

My could-of-been boyfriend and ex romantic interest has started to comment on EVERY PICTURE OF ME ON FACEBOOK!

I'm scared...


	59. Thunder

"Thunderstorms are fun to yell at."

"They're better if you start doing this." Skulduggery started to clap manically and jumped up and down in his seat.

Valkyrie just stared.

And then cleared her throat.

...

"Weren't you an adult like...a few seconds ago?"

* * *

My mother spontaneously turned into a seven year old today...

0_0


	60. Fluff

"I love you."

"Oh, ok."

"Your supposed to say 'I love you too'"

"Sanguine," Valkyrie pulled him down by his collar til he was level with her. "I love you too."

* * *

FLUFF! X3


	61. Facebook

Valkyrie sat at her desk, flicking through her Facebook wall on her laptop. Wreath was insisting on another lesson about Necromancer culture. _Yawn._

"Valkyrie stop messaging your friends!"

"I'm not, I'm waiting for my friend to message _me."_

"Put it away or I'll take it off you."

"Oooh, scary."

A shadow snaked out and closed the laptop, before carrying it over to Wreath.

"Ah well," She replied. "I've still got it on my phone."

* * *

Math lessons are more fun when you can complain about them to Mademise Morte over Facebook!


	62. Keyboard

_"If there is one think I have learned in life, Stephenie, it is that any sort of music sounds much cooler if you switch the tone on your keyboard to harpsichord...Oh, and take all my money and my house."_

"Nah," Echo-Gordon told his other self, "That won't work."

Gordon nodded his head in reluctant agreement, "Wills are hard to write."

"Yes, yes they are."

* * *

The original will of Gordon Edgly. HELLZ YEAH!

And also, Mademise Morte has published the second part of The Asylum For Terminally Obsessed Skulduggery Pleasant Fanatics! YAY!


	63. High

"Hey Skul Man! How are ya?"

"I'm on top of the world, Finbar."

"Woah, that's high."

...

"I meant your height not your...ER..-"

"I know what you mean."

* * *

Yes...Um...


	64. Muesli

"Urgh."

"Urgh?"

"I've just seen Marina Breem enter The Temple."

"And?"

"I don't like her, she's like the human form of muesli."

* * *

Dr Tyler from the Fourth Kind looks like muesli.


	65. Spiffing

"Melissa darling?" Stephenie heard her father shout from downstairs with a terrible posh accent that was unmistakably his version of and English man.

"Yes dear?" Her mother replied from her bedroom, she appeared to be joining in.

"Would you like to have strawberries and cream?"

"Oh, that would be spiffing!"

* * *

My house: A place where you can randomly turn into a middle-class gentleman and everyone joins in.


	66. Pencil

"Skulduggery Pleasant, I don't care about the fact that you are driving, if you whistle again I shall stab you in the eye socket with this very pencil!"

"Are you on your period or something, Valkyrie?"

Thankfully, the Bentley was pulled out of the ditch after it had swerved mysteriously off the road, the same cannot be said for the pencil that had lodged itself into detective Pleasnt's skull.

* * *

My father is an irritating man when we are on long journeys. My brother is visting from uni again so expect some rather loopy updates!


	67. Front Seat

"So you stabbed Mr Sanguine in the arm, Miss Rose."

"Yes, yes I did."

"And you, in turn Mr Sanguine kicked Miss Rose in _the head_."

"Why yes I did."

"And this was all to see who could sit in the front seat?"

* * *

A deadly battle to, well, the death in a travel station car park. My father was no amused.


	68. Writing

"Do you know what you're gonna write?"

"Not a clue, I plan to just write about me not being able to write."

"That's ripping us off a bit don't you think?"

"No, I don't think."

* * *

Long story.


	69. Meercat

"Rawr."

"Rawr!"

"RAWR!

"Will you two shut up!"

"Right that's it, I CHALLENGE YOU TO A MEERCAT FIGHT!"

* * *

Hellz yeah.


	70. Plan

"Ok, so _if_ you ever kill anyone-"

"Yes, _if_."

"So, if you ever kill anyone then you come straight to my house, then we go to Mexico."

"Then Italy."

"Then-FIRE TRUCK!"

* * *

It's always good to outline a plan if you have a friend that MAY kill anyone...Or someone...A certain someone...

Kristin.


	71. Nope

"Is that you, Val?"

Valkyrie looked down at her drawing, then up at Tanith.

"She has blonde hair. And boobs."

"Not you then?"

"Nope."

* * *

Sorry for the late update, internet not working!


	72. Numb

"Have you ever played the piano so much that you've lost all feeling in your fingers?"

"I'm a skeleton, that doesn't happen very often..."

* * *

Fingers...So numb...


	73. Coming Out

"I feel uncomftable talking to gay people."

"...What?"

"I just do."

"You feel fine talking to me!"

"...What?"

* * *

Today is me sort of coming out day! Sort of...

So yeah...I'm gay :D


	74. Smiles

"Hello Caelan!"

"Hi." Was his reply, he sounded bored.

"Smiles all round then?"

"...Screw you."

* * *

I love my cheery, tact-less friends!


	75. Musical

"Ghastly made the mistake of telling Sanguine he did not like A Very Potter Musical."

"...Is he mad? We've only had this Grand Mage for a couple of months and he's committing suicide already?"

"We'll have him under twenty four hour watch, to make sure he is not killed in his sleep."

* * *

A Very Potter Musical is one of the best (FREE) theatrical statements of this century.

It made me see Zac Effron is a completely new light.


	76. Autumn

"Why are you talking like that?"

"Like what, my dear?"

"...That."

"I assure you, there is no change in my tone, darling. For I am merely in the mood to speak like Miss Emilie Autumn."

"She doesn't actually speak like that, does she?"

"Oh Lord no, but it puts me in the mood to, strange is it not?"

* * *

She doesn't talk like that...But I do after playing the Enchant album over and over again!


	77. British

"I read something today, it said 'Keep calm and fake a British accent.'"

"Well I'm British, Val and so is Marina Midnight..."

"And you two sound very different."

"'Course we do, she's from Liverpool."

* * *

This was just me venting frustration THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A BRITISH ACCENT! OR EVEN AN ENGLISH ONE! IT DEPENDS ON THE COUNTY YOU LIVE IN! I also shamelessly dropped my new Mary-Sue piss-take OC, Marina. She'll be popping up in a collection of drabbles that I intend to write later.


	78. Tooth

"Ow! My tooth!"

"It might be something serious-"

"I am _not_ going to the dentists, Valkyrie!"

"Why?"

"'Cause I hate em! OW!"

"Well don't expect any sympathy, Fletcher."

* * *

I have a 'friend' who refuses to go to the dentists, yet she loves to complain about it.

God, I hate her.


	79. Diet

"God I hate China..."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I hope she goes on one of those fad diets and _DIES._"

"Isn't that a bit-"

"No, no it isn't."

* * *

I love my friend Emily, she'll just bitch about someone when they're right in front of her.

XD


	80. Sexy

"Caelan, I'm gay."

"Saw it coming."

oOo

"Clarabelle, I'm gay."

"OHMYGAWDI'MSOPROUDOFYOU! GIVE ME A HUG!"

oOo

"Finbar, I'm gay."

"Wait a minute, is that why you said you'd do that chick?"

oOo

"Sangune, I'm gay."

"...Sexy."

* * *

The actual reactions of my friends XD


	81. Hand

"Melancholia, writing 'I am the Death Bringer' on your arm does not make it so."

"But Cleric Wreath can draw the Deathly Hallows mark on his hand and everyone says he's the master of death!"

"He's got the Elder wand, the invisibility cloak and the Resurrection stone, of course he's the freakin' master of death!"

* * *

I AM THE MASTER OF DEATH.


	82. Ingredients

"Freedom, Skylar?"

"Yes, Tanith?"

"What exactly _is_ in your mutant cupcakes?"

"Dear, you really don't want to know."

* * *

MAH HA HA HA HA HA.


	83. Staring

"I don't like it."

"It's a freakin' book!"

"The picture is staring at me!"

"Oh for the love of-"

"MAKE IT STOP!"

* * *

My copy of Mortal Coil is sitting besides me, Tesseract looks like he's staring INTO MAH SOUL!


	84. Shouting Match

"Allons-y."

"Allons-y!"

"ALLONS-Y!"

"_ALLONS-Y!"_

**_"ALLONS-Y!"_**

* * *

Allons-y, a good phrase to use in a shouting match with your father.


	85. Kangaroo

"We're worried about Stephenie's concentration, Mrs Edgly." The teacher shuffled her papers in an attempt to look more important.

"I see..." Melissa looked down at her child who shrunk in her seat.

"This sort of behaviour would be perfectly normal if she were a couple of years younger...Ten years, in fact."

Stephenie looked across the classroom, there was a toy kangaroo. It was staring at her with it's kangaroo eyes.

"She seems to have bouts of immaturity."

"Well, she does inherit her father's habit of saying the first thing that comes into her head."

Staring...

"I see. So she's in this sort of environment at home?"

Kangaroo...

"I try to calm her down but nothing seems to work."

Eyes...

Melissa was suddenly pushed off her chair by her daughter, "DON'T LOOK INTO IT'S EYES, MUM!"

* * *

Longer than I expected...


	86. FIFTEEN!

"I'm Six!"

"And I'm Nine!"

"And together we are-"

"69?"

"NO! Fifteen, you pervert!"

* * *

P.E is a lesson where exersise is not needed, I'll publish the tale of the Rape cycle...It's funnier than it sounds!


	87. Cycle

Dusk placed a firm hand on Scapegrace's knee and pushed him backwards, he fell to the ground and screamed. "Sanguine! Dusk is trying to rape me!"

"Dusk! What have I told you? I rape Vaurien, you rape me, my dear ol' Daddy rapes you, Jack rapes him 'n' Vaurien rapes JACK!"

* * *

The actual rape cycle: I rape Chloe, Chloe rapes Doctor Who, Doctor Who rapes Damien, Damien rapes Emily, Emily rapes Ameelia, Ameelia rapes Katy, Katy rapes me. SO IT IS FORBIDDEN FOR AMEELIA TO RAPE ME OR ELSE SHE'LL BREAK OUR CYCLE!

In no way do we here at Team Bright Side encourage rape. Only playful rape while we are supposed to be running laps around the school ground.


	88. Wage

Valkyrie was very happy, Skulduggery had told her that she was old enough to get paid for the job she did ever since she was a kid.

Four hundred pounds a month, what could a young girl do with four hundred pounds?

The answer: Chinchillas.

* * *

My friend is finally getting paid for her job at a special needs school, 'bout bloody time is all I can say. Her wage is apparently going to a pair of chinchillas, the rest she can spend on me!


	89. Crane

"What are you drawing?"

"Gigantic blue paper crane."

"Ok...Valkyrie, is that you on the crane?"

"Oui."

"Who's that?"

"Margaret."

"Is she your imaginary friend?"

* * *

SHE *IS* REAL!


	90. ANOTHER Author's Note! SORRY!

Oh and Tanya...I am so not writing 'Veltcher'

Not ever.


	91. Cats

**What A Normal Person Would Do**

"I hate cats."

"I have cats!"

"I didn't-er-mean-er-your cats..."

**What Valkyrie Cain Did**

"I hate cats."

"I have cats!"

"Then you are housing Satan in a furry little package, see you in hell."


	92. Bites

"Did you just _lick_ Valkyrie, Tanith?"

"BUT SHE WAS TICKLING ME!"

"It's ok, Skulduggery, I have another friend that bites me if I annoy her."

* * *

And if I _don't_ annoy her -_-


	93. Nom

"Om."

"Nom."

"Nommeh."

"Nom."

"Why are you-"

"NOM."

"NOMMEH."

"NOM."

* * *

:D My friends are amazing!


	94. End

"When are you planning to stop writing this book, Gordon?"

"Chineese New Year."

"Oh."

"Everyone is going to be singing along to 'Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life.'"

"Oh."

* * *

That's how this fic will end! ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE! DEEEDO DEDO DEDO DEDO! ALWAYS LOOK ON THE LIGHT SIDE OF LIFE!


	95. Hot

"It's so hot!"

"Is it?"

"I'M MELTING!"

"Really?"

"THERE IS NOTHING THAT-"

"Girl's in bikinis."

"...I like the weather today, do you?"

* * *

An over dramatic version of a conversation that Mademise Morte and I had yesterday~


	96. Model

"This is my new role model." Valkyrie pointed to the computer screen, Skulduggery leaned in.

"She's juggling fire, I do not approve."

After a few clicks Valkyrie redirected him to the screen, a new picture was now on display. Her role model was now wearing ketchup round her mouth with a fake bushy moustache.

"I approve now."

* * *

Captain Maggot in a moustache, so adorable!


	97. Laptop

"I see that your girlfriend's laptop is not loading again." Skulduggery pointed out, Ghastly turned his head to look at Tanith.

"Yes, she usually bites on tecnology when it won't work."

* * *

PROUD LAPTOP NOMM-ER.


	98. Idiot

"Dude! Why isn't anyone reviewing my new chapter?"

"Fletcher, you haven't submitted it."

"...Oh."

* * *

I SHALL NEVER PASS ON MY IDIOTIC GENES.


	99. Fool

"You're a fool."

"I know..."

"A foolish fool."

"I don't deserve to live!"

"A FOOLISHLY FOOLISH FOOL!"

* * *

Sorry for the late update, I was feeling sick yesterday and I couldn't stand up without my tummy going 'bleuh!'


	100. 100!

"This is a special moment!"

"Very special indeed!"

"Let us take up our Name Hats, Skulduggery!"

"Yes and we shall tease Fletcher and his fans!"

"Yes! And we shall write several conversations between characters that would never actually take place!"

"YES! YES WE SHALL."

* * *

Happy 100th snippet -hands cupcake-


	101. Believe

"This is the most difficult choice I've ever had to make, Valkyrie."

"I believe in you, Skulduggery."

"I don't think that I can-"

"I _know_ you can."

Skulduggery lent forwards and picked up a packet of Rich Tea biscuits, "We'll take these then." He said wearily.

"Christ, Skulduggery! We are _so_ British!"

* * *

Britan: A place where teenage boys (and a girl!) flock to the biscuits section of a supermarket and wonder about which ones to take up to their friend's house for tea.


	102. Pissing Off

"This Emilie Autumn, again?"

"Are you trying to piss me off?"

"Yes, yes I am."

"Well, two can play at that game. I think gay people should have rights because-"

* * *

The ultimate way to piss off my dad.


	103. Time Traveller

"Cain, you've done your paperwork wrong."

"No I haven't."

"It's not in chronological order."

"Yes it is, I'm a time traveller."

* * *

'I'm like a Doctor Who episode but with comb based ninjas' our teacher did not understand why we were crying tears of laughter


	104. Whale

"So what did you two get up to?"

"Well, we went to Dublin city centre and ate pizza, then we went into this big shop and dressed up as Mexicans, then we hung about making whale noises then-"

"Tanith, Valkyrie?"

"Yes?"

"What is it?"

"I thought you went out to go ice skating?"

"...Ah, I _thought_ there was something we'd forgotten to do."

* * *

Yes, this is exactly what I got up to last weekend.


	105. Maggot

"Skulduggery?"

"Yes?"

"Our child shall be called Benedict Jedi Maggot Pleasant."

"Fair enough, Clarabelle."

* * *

Heh heh heh...


	106. Attention

"Skulduggery!"

Skulduggery ignored Tanith and continued his conversation with Ghastly.

"Hey! Hey Skulduggery!"

He did not speak to her.

"SKULDUGGERY!"

Tanith jumped inbetween the two men and flailed her arms about.

"Tanith, I don't care how long you do the octopuss dance, I am talking to Ghastly!"

* * *

Guys, we're at that special time again! Soon, I'll have 300 reviews! Lets hope that Skylar Song gets the 300th review! (she got 100 AND 200!)


	107. Email

"You look really tired, Gordon."

"I had to stay up all night to finish the chapter of a new story."

"Why?"

"Becuase I always e-mail my chapters to my editor at night so I can wake up to his praise in the morning."

* * *

Because I'm self-centered like that...


	108. Change

"Ok...What the hell have you done?"

"Changed my suite?"

"YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU!"

* * *

Am I the only one that's freaking out about the new layout.

Oh and Skylar got the 300th yeah.


	109. Syndrome

"Why is she doing that?" Asked Skulduggery as Tanith cartwheeled gracefully over the sofa.

"She has P.O.T.C.S." Ghastly said cooly.

"Excuse me?"

"Pirates Of The Caribbean Syndrome, she watched the new movie today."

* * *

You know you've got P.O.T.C.S when you hum the theme tune when you're brushing your teeth.


	110. Sims

"Why is Fletcher huddles up like that?"

"He was creating a family on Sims."

"And?"

"The power went out. AND HE HADN'T SAVED IT."

"Poor, poor soul."

* * *

My life is not worth living anymore!


	111. Book

"Have you seen China?"

"She's found a new book."

"And?"

"It's taken her three centuries to locate it."

"Ah, that's a no then?"

"We won't see her again until it's been read three times and hidden again in a distant country."

* * *

C:


	112. Speech

"Kenspeckle, there's something wrong with Valkyrie's speech."

"What do you me-"

_"TUMBLR. TUMBLR. TUMBLR."_

Ah, I see."

* * *

I have fallen in love with Tumblr.


	113. Death

"I hate it when people aren't trying to kill me."

"Why, Gordon?"

"When my life isn't threatened I have _nothing_ to write about!"

* * *

So, so true...


	114. Ninja

"God, I'm so_ fat_."

"Caelan, you say that one more time and I'll go all ninja on you."

"But it's-OW! YOU GOT ME IN THE FACE."

* * *

I abuse my pals.

I'M THE BEST-EST FRIEND EVER!


	115. Eating

"If you don't eat you'll get an IV injected in your arm, EVERY MONTH."

"..."

* * *

"An IV every month? Dude, that's bullshit!"

"That's what I told him!"

"Really?"

"Well...In my mind."

* * *

Dad wants to cart me off to a hospital because I refuse to eat when I'm at home. Too pissed off to write.


	116. Ow

"Ow..."

"Christ, Fletcher! What happened?"

"I knocked Tanith's Oreo out of her hand."

* * *

My freind got yelled out for knocking a MINI Oreo out of a girl's hand. MINI OREO. MINI.

So we're gonna show her pictures of him eating an entire packet...


	117. Radio

China's hand glided effortlessly on the paper, her quill nestled gently in her white hand. Valkyrie peered over her shoulder, "Dick Turpin? That's a bit random, what made you want to draw him?"

"I heard Adam And The Ants on the radio today, dear."

"Okaaay..."

* * *

NOBODY UNDERSTANDS MY TASTE IN MUSIC -FAINTS-


	118. Face

"So you _could_ of solves the case."

"Yes."

"But instead you went on holiday with Miss Cain."

"Well, I'm a sucker for a pretty face, Grand Mage. I guess it's because I don't have one."

* * *

VALDUGGERY. YES.


	119. Sleeping

"Are you sure she'll be able to handle it?" Ghastly asked him over the whirring of his sewing machine.

He looked down on her as she slept, somehow her head had ended up nestled in his lap. Her fingers had snaked out and she was now clinging onto his jacket as she dreamed.

Soon, Valkyrie Cain would be fighting the Dark Gods themselves but right now, Stephenie Edgly was snoozing peacefully in Skulduggery Pleasant's arms.

* * *

Inspired by a line in The Faceless Ones.


	120. Clarabelle

"I'm giving up on Valkyrie." Clarabelle announced.

Kenspeckle looked up from his test tubes and nodded, "Well my dear, that's very intelligent, seeing as she is currently with Fletcher Renn."

"Yup."

"And he's a compleate idiot."

"Damn right."

"And she thinks that kissing other girls is gross."

"Yes.." She sighed in reponse.

"And she's out of your leauge."

"You can stop it now."

* * *

I SHALL NOT BE HEAD OVER HEELS FOR HER! I PROMISE!


	121. Ring

"Cain." Guild barked ar Valkyrie, "Make yourself useful and-"

"I SHALL TAKE THE RING TO MOORDOR!"

"I wasn't going to ask-"

"I SHALL TAKE IT ANYWAY!"

* * *

First comb based ninjas, now Lord Of The Rings. I almost feel sorry for my textiles teacher.


	122. Pink

"I hate you."

"I hate you more."

"I hate you more than carrots."

"I hate you more than super models."

"I hate you more than...Pink."

"...You bitch."

* * *

Pink. I hate it.


	123. Reason

"There are only two things that stand in the way of me marrying Skulduggery Pleasant."

"What are they, Murder?"

"Well, firstly he's not on our side."

"Secondly?"

"I'm gay, remember?"

"Oh yeah..."

* * *

My friends are so blonde sometimes...


	124. Ghost

"You ok, Steph?"

"Yeah, Mum. Still feeling a bit sick, though."

"Is that why you're mouthing along to one of those Emilie songs again?"

"...Yes."

* * *

A feel so terrible! That's why I'm miming along to 'Ghost'


	125. Test

"Stephenie? Would you like to talk?" The reflection looked blankly at it's teacher.

"Why, Miss?"

"You usualy get the highest marks in the class..."

"And?"

"In this test you got fifteen, that's one of the worst scores."

"Oh." It shrugged, turned on it's heel and walked out of the classroom, "See you next week, Miss!"

* * *

I recently took a SATS test to see what English set I'll be put in next year, I sped through the questions and slept for the rest of it. I went from a 7A to a 5B, my teacher doesn't understand my chilled out attitude at all.


	126. Crush

"Whoa!" Valkyrie yanked at Skulduggery's shoulder, "What happened to Fletcher? Who beat him up?"

"Clarabelle."

"I thought she had a crush on him!"

"She did, he insulted Kenspeckle."

* * *

I'm so pissed off right now, the girl that I might just love keeps pissing my brother off. I SHALL KILL HER.


	127. Top

"Tanith I dare you to...TAKE OFF YOUR TOP FOR TEN SECONDS!"

"Valkyrie dear, I was going to do that anyway."

* * *

Heh heh heh heh.


	128. KNEW IT

"Valkyrie..." Calean took a few seconds to collect his thoughts, "how can I say this? I'm-"

"Gay?"

"...Yes. How did you know?"

"Sweetie, we _all_ knew."

* * *

You know that guy I don't really like much? The would-be romantic interest? HE'S GAY.

I TOTALLY KNEW IT.


	129. Google

"...I don't know! Google it!"

"Ok, ok! I'll just-HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!"

"What?"

"EVIL BUNNY!"

* * *

The Google Doodle is SCARY!


	130. FAIL

"Tanith, are you ok?"

"Leave me to die."

"Why?"

"I DOUBLE POSTED SOMETHING ON FANFICTION."

* * *

I facepalmed myself with the keyboard. I fail at life.


	131. Best Friend

"Dusk is such a fag, you know?"

"Do ya know what's worse than usin' language like that?"

"Erm..."

"Usin' that language near his best friend."

"Ah."

"Who is also a 'fag'."

* * *

Guess who it is!

I heard some girls laughing at my friend for coming out.

...Brb, buying an axe.


	132. Hitting

"What's Guild doing?"

"Oh, he has to cling onto Crux whenever Cain walks by so he doesn't hit her."

"That's why he's throwing himself on him?"

"Pretty much."

* * *

My friends have to stop me from hitting the homophobic bitches whenever I see them. The teachers found it amusing that my best friend had to jump on me when one of them passed by me today.


	133. Ghostie

"Who are you drawing?"

"Ghost."

"Is that her name?"

"_It's_ name."

"It?"

"Yup."

"Why is it bald?"

"It shaves off it's hair."

"...Your character is weird."

"You're a talking skeleton."

"Good point."

* * *

It's name is Ghost. It's a figment of a girl's imagination. It shaves it's head and wears lolita gear.


	134. DIDN'T KNOW

"So we can just stay at home instead of solving cases?"

"Yup, Guild isn't that bothered about it."

"SO WHY DON'T WE DO IT ALL THE TIME?"

"That's so boring, dear."

* * *

I skipped a lesson with my friend because she was really angry and she couldn't calm down without me there.

I DIDN'T KNOW WE COULD GET AWAY WITH THAT.


	135. Punch

"So this was all a misunderstanding?"

"Yup. You know how crowded the Sanctuary corridors can be and I was only just trying to get past."

"So you kicked Guild."

"Yes."

"And punched him."

"_Yes._"

* * *

One bitch down, two more to go.


	136. Day Off

"What did you do with your day off, Skulduggery?"

"Well first I cleaned the house then I went for a walk after that I went to the city center to waste time. I found a new case to entertain me, I solved it, got bored and came here. You?"

"Computer. Drawing."

* * *

What did I do with my day off of school? The clue's in the last line.

I HAVE NO LIFE.


	137. Dance

"What is Tanith doing?"

"Octopus dance. She's very happy."

"Why?"

"Another bloody day off!"

* * *

TEACHER'S STRIKE! WHOOOOOOOO! TWO DAYS OFF IN ONE WEEK!

THIS CALLS FOR THE HIGHEST OF FIVES!


	138. Paint

"You're a very strange girl."

"There's a story behind it I swear!"

"...A very strange one, I'm guessing."

* * *

I painted Ghost...

My dad was creeped out.


	139. Sleepy

"How was your day?" Valkyrie's reflection asked her as she scrambled through the window.

"Oh, the usual. Kidnappings, monsters, broken limbs, you?"

"I slept all day."

* * *

I had a sports day today, I refused to do any sports and slept on my friend's shoulder all day.


	140. Hike

"Tanith?"

"Yes, Ghastly?"

"This hike has been lovely and all but where are we actually going?"

"Well, we're walking around this trail to see all the waterfalls and-"

"Around? _Around?_ Are we just walking in a circle?"

"...Maybe."

* * *

A CIRCLE? A FREAKIN' CIRCLE, MOTHER?


	141. Chant

The chanting washed over China's head as she stood in the temple, the high priest was droning on in a language that she hadn't bothered to learn.

"Han-dee Kaa lee. Jaaa naah. Yow-eeh yow-eeh."

Her eyes widened.

_'Yow-eeh yow-eeh."_

_'YOW-EEH.'_

Yaoi!

* * *

Never go to a Christian concert with the girl that you SWORE you'd get over. Because someone says something in another language and it'll sound like the Japaneese word for gay porn.

And you end up laughing.

And she asks you why.

AND YOU TELL HER.

AND SHE GETS SCARED.


	142. Friend

"Where's Tanith?"

"We had to lock her in her bedroom for her own safety. She was rambling on about being saved by her imaginary friend from Singapore who'll 'swoop down from the heavens in a gigantic blue paper crane called Yuri'"

"I see."

* * *

Yup, this is an actual conversation that actually took place between me and Mademise actual Morte.


	143. Piggy

"You gave Tanith some caffeine pills?"

"She looked like she needed cheering up..."

"SHE DEMANDED THAT I GAVE HER A PIGGY-BACK RIDE EVERY WHERE!"

* * *

C: Piggy-back rides are fun...So are caffeine tablets!


	144. Hug

"Oh my gawd, Stephenie! I loved your music work!"

"...Thank you?"

"You look real sad, do you need a hug?"

"Erm..OH LOOK, SOMETHING INTERESTING!"

* * *

There is a girl. She does not understand my problems with physical contact. She grabs me from behind and does not understand why I scream and try to hit her.

CUE ANGREH FACE.


	145. Lie

"Me and Guild are best friends, we spend so much time together and-"

"Crux, I'm his freakin' daughter. I know you're lying through your twisted teeth."

* * *

Huggy-girl has told my closest friend that we are best friends...

WHAT THE-


	146. Key

"Skulduggery, could you at least knock?"

"On the window?"

"YES. On the window!"

"But I almost live here, you gave me a key, Valkyrie."

"...Windows are different!"

* * *

You know you're BFF's when you can just walk into your friends house without her yelling at you.


	147. Work

"Skul-man! I need something to do!"

"I know a place where you can-"

"Noooo! I don't _really_ want to work!"

"But you-"

"It was a figure of speech!"

* * *

Finbar is SO like my uncle...


	148. Badge

"Why is Fletcher bumping into things?"

"He's being a 'ninja' he seems to think that cartwheeling about the place will protect him."

"From what?"

"THE INTERNET PEOPLE."

* * *

They're after my rainbow badge...INTERNET PEOPLE, STAY AWAY!

Only joking, I love each and every one of you please find me so we can all live in a big house somewhere in the north of England like one big happy family...


	149. God

"Oh dear Lord!"

"Why, may I ask, are you risking damnation by using God's name in vain?"

"BECAUSE CAELAN SAYS HE'S _STRAIGHT_."

"...Holy mother of-"

* * *

I am allowed to swear when they gay friend tells me he's just bi-curious!


	150. Poem

"And what's your poem about, Stephenie?"

"Oh, the usual, Miss. Death. Gore. The works."

"...Pleasant."

* * *

YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE? 8B

My English teacher told me my work always disturbs her. I am very proud.


	151. Breathe

"I...I'm not prepared for this."

"It'll be fine, Tanith."

"I-I can't breathe!"

"What's wrong with her."

_"She's watching Harry Potter tomorrow."_

* * *

Why? WHY? **WHY? _WHY must you end?_**

:'C I'm so scared...


	152. Nurse

"Pleasant! Would you mind telling me why you haven't called into the Sanctuary in a _week_?"

"Miss Cain took me to the Deathly Hallows. Part two...The End."

"And?"

"She couldn't walk after we watched it. I needed to nurse her back to health."

* * *

I WISH I HAD A SKULDUGGERY TO BE WITH ME IN MY HOUR OF NEED.


	153. Pain

"What happened this morning, China?" Her mother's ice blue eyes stabbed at her own.

"What do you mean, Ma-ma?"

"I heard the butler cry out in pain."

"He does that a lot, haven't you noticed?"

* * *

My brother is visting with his girlfriend...She beats him up.

SHE'S BRILLIANT.


	154. Cut

Valkyrie dragged the hairbrush through her tangled hair and winced in pain.

"Why do you brush your hair if it hurts?" Fletcher asked.

"Well, what else am I going to do?"

"Get it cut like a lesbian."

"...Sounds like a plan."

* * *

I shall follow my brother's advice.


	155. Cream

"Why is your hair wet?"

"I washed it, I got attacked with some grooming products."

"Oh."

"Let's just say, I had to wash it before my hair fell out."

* * *

Hair removal cream smells icky, I swear it's still clinging onto my hair.


	156. Bird

Tanith knows what love is. True love isn't kissing. It isn't sex. It isn't mindless love-y dove-y babble.

It's letting her wipe her hand on your jacket when she puts it in bird poo.

* * *

It's quite sweet, really.


	157. Slide

"Now you two, I'm going to stop the car and when I do I don't want you to run off to the climbing frame."

"But why?"

"Because you, Fletcher, are eighteen and Valkyrie is fifteen."

The Bentley stopped. Fletcher nodded to Valkyrie and they rolled out of the doors towards the slide.

* * *

Dad took me, my brother and his girlfriend to a pub. THEY HAD A CLIMBING FRAME.


	158. Slow

"Why is Tanith doing that?"

"Smacking Fletcher's head against the wall?"

"...Yes. That."

"Her internet is being slow, I think she's bored."

* * *

I HAD TO WAIT FOR A WHOLE MINUTE TO LISTEN TO HANNAH FURY!


	159. Sugar

"Tea, Tanith?"

"Please, I'll have six sugars."

"..."

"What?"

* * *

Normal people don't have six sugars...

Do they?


	160. Emails

"Valkyrie, do I have any e-mails?"

"HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE E-MAILS FOR NOT, SKULDUGGERY? I'M ON TUMBLR, NOT YOUR G-MAIL ACCOUNT!"

* * *

My father is an idiot...


	161. Who?

"Hey, Val! Doesn't Fletcher remind you of my brother?"

"Yeah, now that you've mentioned it."

"W-what? Who am I like?"

"It's uncanny!"

"How does he act? What's his name? IS HE COOL LIKE ME?"

* * *

Ah, the art of winding an eleven year old up.


	162. Scooter

"Now, Valkyrie, how did you get this bruise?" Kenspeckle asked, his glasses slipping down his nose.

"I stole a kid's scooter, crashed into a curb and flew over the handle bars."

"Right, I'll just get my paste..."

"No! I don't want these disappearing! These are the most bad ass battle scars ever!"

* * *

I HAVE EPIC BRUISES ALL DOWN MY LEG NOW!

They're bright pink and purle!

~EPIC~


	163. Noises

"You ok, Val?" Tanith rested her head on Valkyrie's knee, her lips pouted.

"Meh." She kept her eyes on the floor.

"Do you want us to make whale noises to cheer you up?" Fletcher asked.

_"Oooooohh waaaaagh!"_

* * *

Whale noises, they cheer up friends.


	164. Crabs

Ok, I've been away for a week so what does that mean?

IT MEANS EIGHT NEW CHAPTERS!

Ultimate crab-sitter *out*

* * *

Tanith stood by Valkyrie, observing her as she threw out a crabbing line.

"The trick is to find a good spot and stick to it, Tanith. Stick to it like glue."

Now, Tanith had been born and raised in London, which isn't known for it's fishing industry. Unless you count jellied eels.

"Val, I think I'll leave the crab catching to you, I'll...Crab-sit."


	165. Roof

"Where is it?"

"Where's what, Fletcher dear?"

"My leather jacket?"

"Oh, you mean the ratty old one?"

"Yeah!"

"We couldn't stand the sight of it. We threw it one the roof."

* * *

My brother has a horrid tweed jacket. His girlfriend and I hid it!


	166. Poetry

Skulduggery gestured for Tanith to stand with him as he looked at a sleeping Valkyrie.

"She bloody loves that new poetry book."

"It won't leave her side."

"Still, sleeping with it pressed against your chest is a bit much."

* * *

I JUST LOVE IT, OK?


	167. Away

"Britan's..."

"Britan's largest second hand book shop, China."

"I shall be away for some time, Skulduggery. Good bye."

* * *

I COULD OF LIVED THERE.


	168. Vault

"Ok, men! The most haunted vaults in Britan, grab a vault buddy! No, Fletcher, Valkyrie is my vault buddy."

"But-"

"Sorry, Fletch but we're the super case-busting detective team. We're always buddies."

* * *

I couldn't of survived it without my vault buddy!


	169. Bad Guy

"Your bad guy was caught by a-"

"Don't say it, Fletcher!"

"A TEN YEAR OLD!"

* * *

Damn ten year olds and their crab catching abilities! THEY CAUGHT TWENTY TWO! WE CAUGHT *TEN*


	170. Upstairs

"Do you know the worst thing about living in a small house, Tanith?"

"What?"

"I can hear my daughter beating up her brother upstarirs!"

* * *

Eeee hee hee!


	171. Holiday

"So, what was your favourite part of our holiday, Stephenie?"

"When it rained, rain makes me go to sleep. I spelt for five hours in the afternoon."

"Ok..."

* * *

IT WAS THE BEST SLEEP EVER!


	172. Remember

"Do you know what's worse than having to remember my reflection doing homework?"

"What?"

"Remembering my reflection being nice to pleople."

"...The _horror_!"

* * *

I can be a real bitch when I feel like it...


	173. Hey!

"Hey Valkyrie! Watch this!"

"Hey Valkyrie! What's this?"

"Hey Valkyrie! Why are you banging your head against the wall?"

* * *

"Hey Freedom! What are you doing with that knife?"


	174. Beaten

"Why the hell is Fletcher allowed to go with Skulduggery and Val? Why do I have to stay here?"

"You're injured, dear."

"It's not fair."

"Just imagine, Tanith. Somewhere, Fletcher is getting beaten up by a bad guy."

* * *

My brother went to get his tooth fixed at the dentists, his girlfriend and I rather liked the idea of him in pain.

Meanwhile, riots have started in the two major towns near me and I am so, so fucking terrified.


	175. Car

"AH! WHAT WAS THAT?"

"A car, Fletcher."

"Ok...AH! WHAT WAS THAT?"

"A bird, Fletcher."

"Ok...AH! WHAT WAS-"

"_FLETCHER, WE AREN'T GOING TO BE KILLED MY RIOTERS, OK?"_

* * *

No rioters 'round my area-

AH! WHAT WAS THAT?

Oh, next door's cat...


	176. CUTE

"You like Tanith, don't you, Ghastly?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"YOU DO! OHMYGOD, THIS IS SO C-"

Fletcher struck. He collapsed, clutching his throat.

"Say I'm cute again and I'll punch you between the legs."

* * *

I AM NOT CUTE.


	177. Moon

"So, what's Fletcher like when he's drunk?"

"He just rants aimlessly about things, he slurrs so much that we can't even understand him. Like, one time he got so worked up about something that he smashed his glass against the wall and mooned everyone."

"...Ew."

* * *

NOTE TO SELF: NEVER GET MY BROTHER DRUNK


	178. Skeleton

Many of Tanith Low's memories of her childhood included her family taking part in the Scarecrow Festival in her village. She and her brother would spend months on end planning the perfect scarecrow, they usually won the annual award because their determination was rather cute.

This is the memory she uses to block out the thoughts of her home burning to the ground, of being cast out of her little world, of being called a witch.

Also, this could be the reason why she calls her lover 'Her Skeleton Scarecrow'

* * *

SCARECROW FESTIVALS ARE VERY SCARY FOR PEOPLE THAT ARE SCARED OF SCARECROWS.


	179. DVD

"Hey, Tanith?"

"Yes, Fletcher?"

"Do you want to go over to mine and watch a DVD, we could snog if you want."

"Sweetheart, I would just _love_ to say that you have just come out with the worst chat up line ever, it pains me to say that men have said worse."

"Is that a yes?"

* * *

OOOOOOH! SMOOOOOTH, FLETCHER!

Yes, I know someone who came out with this. No, I don't really like her. No, I will never let her forget it.


	180. Annoying

Valkyrie watched as here sister clapped at the T.V, she turned to her father and winced.

"What is she watching? This is making my teeth itch, Dad."

"Don't ask me, give her something annoying and pastel coloured and she'll love it. At least she's not breaking her toys like _you_ did."

* * *

Chlidren's shows are terrible now.

BRING BACK THE 90'S!


	181. Money

"You planning to anything today, Stephenie?"

"No."

"Nothing at all?"

"No."

"Do you want to go out with your friends?"

"No."

"Do you want a tenner?"

"N-YES!"

"Damn..."

* * *

Ta very muchly Mother~


	182. Vicar

"Right," Beryl was talking aloud again despite the fact that no one was listening "you girls are going to behave for the vicar, aren't you?"

_"Yes Mum."_

"And you aren't going to ask stupid questions like 'what is the meaning of life' and 'is God really a man?'"

_"Yes Mum."_

"And you won't tell him you found him in your attic, will you?"

"_No Mum."_

* * *

Hee hee


	183. Weasley

Ghastly sat down, it wasn't often that he got to relax in front of the telly. The programme was a boring documentary about agriculture but he rejoiced in the peace and quiet of it.

This was until Valkyrie and Fletcher visited.

"WOAH! ISN'T THAT THE GUY WHO PLAYS ARTHUR WEASLEY?"

"Fletcher don't be an idiot, he _is_ Arthur Weasley. He's presenting a show about his favourite muggle contraptions."

* * *

My father was not impressed with me after I interupted his telly watchings.

Tee hee...


	184. Arrest

"Fletchyer Renn, I am arresting you for the theft of my hat."

"What?"

"Valkyrie said that I should read your rights out to you but I don't think you should have any."

"IT WAS TANITH!"

"It's no use, scum. You are paying for your crimes."

* * *

Sorry for the lack of updates, I haven't had much to be cheerful about in the past few days.

Me and a friend wondered if we should make a living out of stealing hats and selling them on. We got as far as stealing a car and running away to Cornwall before we realised that being Hat Outlaws doesn't sound fun.


	185. Skirt

"Tanith, is that skirt?"

"Yes, I wear skirts now."

"Ok, but don't wear one when you work with us, I don't want to have to drag you away from creepy criminals."

* * *

I am not allowed to go to the faire in a skirt, apparently I'll get kidnapped.


	186. Walking

"These new lifts couldn't come soon enough, Crux." The Grand Mage pressed the button, "Some days I just can't bring myself to walk around-"

The doors opened. Inside, Cain and Low were sitting down and drinking tea.

"Walking sounds good to me right now, Crux."

* * *

Lift tea parties are BRILLIANT.


	187. Jelly Babies

Tanith arrived at the checkout and dumped her things on the conveyer belt. The assistant scaned her seven packs of Jelly Babies and smiled at her, "I had strange cravings when I was pregnant too."

"Oh, I'm not pregnant. I heard you can make explosives with these so I figured if I used loads then I could make rocket fuel."

"Oh."


	188. Fourteen

"So what did you do at Hannah's, Stephenie? Did you play dress-up? Did you watch Disney movies?"

"Desmond, she's fourteen! Not three."

"...We actually did, Mum."

* * *

YES. I'M JUST THAT BADASS.


	189. Brush

"We got my little sister an electrical ride on horse. You can feed it and-"

"My sister likes to play with old toothbrushes."

* * *

Yes, I played with old toothbrushes. No, the horizontal ruler/divider thingy won't work.


End file.
